During my Junior College days, I was fortunate to be given the opportunity to be in a committee to help facilitate the functioning of the swim team. It was a fulfilling experience for me as I got to learn a lot and also to interact with a lot of people which help me to progress both as an individual and also a team player. However, this unique journey was not one without obstacles.
In the second year of my college years, as we were preparing for our preliminary examinations, one of our committee members, Marvin (not his real name), came to talk to me one day. He told me that he has decided to quit school and move on to pursue a course in a polytechnic as he does not think that he would be able to cope with the coming preliminary examinations and also the “A” levels. I was surprised by his decision and I tried to persuade him to continue to try and finish up the “A” levels and not stop halfway. I pointed out that while it may be difficult, he had many friends around him who could help and also motivate him through this difficult period. However, he told me that he has made up his mind and that he has also already signed up a polytechnic course. He also further reminded me to not let anyone else know about it which I agreed to do so.
Some time later, another of the committee member, Josephine (not her real name), found out about Marvin’s decision and also that I knew about it and had not told any of the other committee members. While she was shocked by Marvin’s decision, she was further angry about me keeping quiet about the issue and confronted me regarding it. I tried to explain to her but she was still angry as she felt that we are a team and also fellow committee members and I should have told her so we could try to help Marvin together. While I understood her point of view, I also felt strongly that I had a responsibility towards Marvin and had to respect his decision as well. As such, with neither of us giving way, it led to communications breakdown.
Fortunately, after a few days, we were able to discuss things more calmly and agreed that we both had our reasons and as such we managed to work out a common ground between us. However, this issue has led me to ponder about whether I could have avoided this communication problem at all. Should I keep my promise to Marvin or should I respond to my commitment to the team and committee?
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6 comments:
You are not the only good friend Marvin has, right? He may probably have other good friends. Maybe you could try to share with one or two more good friends of Marvin rather than keep the secret yourself. With this small group of people, you may manage to change Marvin's decision. However, it seems unnecessary to spread the message to the whole committee. After all, it is Marvin's secret. For the conflict between you and Josephine, I think you could let her know that you did try your best to pull Marvin back to the examination. I believe she would understand you.
I think you should keep your promise to Marvin. I am sure he had his own reason as to why he did not want the others to know. And the fact that he chose to tell you but not the others also goes to show that he trust you and probably he felt more comfortable talking to you about it.
What you could have done is to encourage him to talk to other friends about it and seek their opinions. If he isn't willing to, you can try to understand the reason behind it and then come up with a solution to help him.
As for Josephine, I am glad that you guys managed to work out a common ground.
If I were you, I would keep my promise to Marvin. I feel that it is important do what you had promised. We are all young adults and I believe Marvin has thought much before he made such a big decision. He also had his reasons for not wanting to let anyone else know about it. Josephine could have reacted too strongly to the matter but we understand that she was being a supportive friend. I felt that you could advise Marvin to talk to the committee to hear more suggestions or if not, explain the situation to Josephine that the committee can give him support and help by respecting his decisions.
I think you have the responsibility to help Marvin to keep his secret, as this is what you had promised him. However, you should encourage him to talk to more people to gain different opinions, so that he can make a better decision. And also may be you could have ask him to tell the committee members early if he insist his decision, so that they can find another person to replace his job, so that he can help the new committee when he is still around. Anyway, I also feel that Josephine was reacted too strongly at that time as it was not your fault at all. Luckily two of you were able to settle the conflict peacefully in the end.
Hi hi Joo Soon,
I think that you should keep your promise to Marvin. Marvin trusted you among his friends and he asked you to keep his decision as a secret. But, one more important thing that you must do is you should ask Marvin to tell his decision to the whole committee. So the memebers can give better ideas and solutions whether do or don't.
As for Josephine, you should explain to her that you try the best for him.
Finally ,I am glad that you two can negotiate peacefully.
It takes maturity for the other party to accept what you are doing.
You did well by keeping your promise with Marvin, it further proves that you are a worthy friend to make with~
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